Jack came home after playing a round of Sunday golf.
“How was your golf game, dear?” asked his wife, Lillian.
“Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“Well you’re 75 years old now, Jack, why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” suggested Lillian.
“But he’s 85 and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.
“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” his wife pointed out.
The next opportunity Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
“Do you see it?” asked Jack.
“Yup,” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
…
..
.
“I forgot.”
============================
A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our s*x lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talking abouta s.e.xa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella “Mississippi”!
=============================
A woman is riding the bus while trying to breastfeed her baby.
The baby, however, isn’t interested. After several tries, the mother is quite angry.
“Drink the milk or I’ll give it all to the man sitting at the back!” she says. The baby is still playing around.
A few minutes later she tries again, “drink the milk or I’ll really give it all to the man at the back, and you’ll go hungry!” The baby continues rejecting her.
She tries again, very angry this time, “I’m definitely going to give it all to the man at the back if you don’t behave!”
This goes on a few more times. Suddenly she hears a voice from the back of the bus: “Lady will you please make up your mind? I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago.”
